my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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