i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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