I have demons in me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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