my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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