Duck Duck Cougar?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
