Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
