Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
