Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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