That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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