Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
