I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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