So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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