when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
