Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
