Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
