i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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