I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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