you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
