I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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