Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
