I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize