mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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