3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
