He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize