I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
