Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
