I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
