I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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