Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
