I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
