That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
