I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
