That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
