dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
