dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
