Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize