all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
