There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
