After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
