You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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