I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
