As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
