I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
