He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
