I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
