I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
