can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
