college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
