you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize