I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
