This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize