Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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