You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
