i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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