That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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