Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
