Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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