We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
