She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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