I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
