did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
